It’s normal to feel unsure of what to say to someone who is dying. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, bringing up pain, or standing there with nothing to say. But most people nearing death don’t want avoidance — they want realness, connection, and the comfort of your presence.

Start by simply being there. You don’t need the perfect words. Sitting in silence can be just as meaningful, or more meaningful, than trying to fill it.

When you do speak, lead with honesty and gentleness. You might begin with, “I’m not sure what to say, but I’m so glad to be with you. Honesty is often obvious to someone in this situation, and an open heart provides comfort.”

Acknowledge the reality if they are open to it. You can say, “If you want to talk about anything — life, memories, fears, the future— I’m here.”

Listen more than you speak. Do not try to affect them with your words (unless they ask), let their words guide the moment. Share stories. Laugh. Cry. Let genuine conversation make them feel (and show them) that they are still fully alive — not just dying.

Bring up what matters. Share the impact they’ve had on you. Tell them what you’ll carry forward. These become part of the grieving stages after they’re gone — echoes of love that help you through the grieving process.

If faith is part of their life, ask them what beliefs are meaningful and allow them to elaborate, as this can offer deep peace.

Remember: they may be nearing the end, but they’re still themselves. See them, not just their illness, as their death does not discount the fullness of their life. Love them, not just their memory. That’s the heart of what to say to someone who is grieving — or dying.